Archive for the ‘love’ Category

Don’t judge me by my actions today
for my good manners have deserted me,
while I weep endlessly
Don’t pay attention to how I talk
Don’t ask me to explain my sorrow
Forgive me if I don’t respond to your greetings
Don’t ask me to follow your rules
stand by me while I cry inconsolably
as I know not how else to express my hurt



Searching for your shadows

Posted: August 30, 2017 in love, poetry

I went searching for your shadows
in the air that you breathed,
on the roads that you walked,
and on the hills that you strolled.

I went there searching
for the shards of your broken promise
knowing you would have been there.
I went there in search of your shadows
for, your last word to me was a black dot

your scent in the air
told me you were here
those fading footprints on the road were telling the story of your fabled arrival

The important bits are at the end: If you believe someone is harming you on purpose, it hurts more. There is discussion of turning pain into pleasure : presenter quotes pleasure of riding a roller coaster as an example; I am not sure if adrenaline is also responsible for the pleasure here, if only partly. Eating chillies is also an example of turning pain into pleasure.

Following excerpt is from Vignana Bhairava Tantra, an ancient Hindu text. This particular translation and explanation is by master Osho. I was reminded of this when I was watching the video; the parallels and similar conclusions are uncanny. How are we feeling pleasure from an experience that should have resulted in pain? The answer is simple: pain and pleasure are within us, and we have the control to feel one or the other irrespective of the external situation.

Whenever there is joy, you feel that it is coming from without. You have met a friend: of course, it
appears that the joy is coming from your friend, from seeing him. That is not the actual case. The
joy is always within you. The friend has just become a situation. The friend has helped it to come
out, has helped you to see that it is there. And this is not only with joy, but with everything: with
anger, with sadness, with misery, with happiness, with everything, it is so. Others are only situations
in which things that are hidden in you are expressed. They are not causes; they are not causing
something in you. Whatsoever is happening, is happening TO YOU. It has always been there; it
is only that meeting with this friend has become a situation in which whatsoever was hidden has
come out in the open – has come out. From the hidden sources it has become apparent, manifest.
Whenever this happens remain centered in the inner feeling, and then you will have a different
attitude about everything in life.
Even with negative emotions, do this. When you are angry, do not be centered on the person who
has aroused it. Let him be on the periphery. You just become anger. Feel anger in its totality; allow it
to happen within. Don’t rationalize; don’t say that this man has created it. Do not condemn the man.
He has just become the situation. And feel grateful towards him that he has helped something which
was hidden to come into the open. He has hit you somewhere, and a wound was there hidden. Now
you know it, so become the wound.
With negative or positive, with any emotion, use this, and there will be a great change in you. If
the emotion is negative, you will be freed of it by being aware that it is within you. If the emotion is
positive, you will become the emotion itself. If it is joy, you will become joy. If it is anger, the anger
will dissolve.
And this is the difference between negative and positive emotions: if you become aware of a certain
emotion, and by your becoming aware the emotion dissolves, it is negative. If by your becoming
aware of a certain emotion you then become the emotion, if the emotion then spreads and becomes
your being, it is positive. Awareness works differently in both cases. If it is a poisonous emotion,
you are relieved of it through awareness. If it is good, blissful, ecstatic, you become one with it.
Awareness deepens it.

Ancient Hindu philosophers have mastered the internal, and their insight into human mind is amazing.

Coming for you

Posted: July 26, 2014 in abstract, love, poetry, Uncategorized

I am coming for you,
leaving aside everything I hold dear in this life
and the ones to come after
I don’t know if I would ever catch you
I will be here waiting for you
till the end of time
until the last star is put out
and the last atom disintegrates unto itself
until the universe collapses

Timeless love

Posted: November 19, 2013 in abstract, fiction, From archives, life, love

With silver-grey hair, wrinkles on the skin resembling brush strokes of modern art, she was walking across. He recognized the twinkle in her eyes from a distance, and he froze. He didn’t think he would ever see her again, he didn’t want to. He wouldn’t be able to, he couldn’t think it possible to see her again and be separate from her; no, that would be too painful, his heart wouldn’t be able to bear that much pain. When he said his last good-bye to her, it was the most painful thing he had ever done. it was like he was leaving behind a part of his soul, the important part; no, it was not really like he was leaving behind a part of him, it was more like it was being torn apart from him brutally. He didn’t think he would survive that severance. Even if he could, he didn’t think it was worth living afterwards. What is life without her, what is there to live for? Whatever he was before he met her, he is not that anymore, in fact he is not anymore, he simply is not. He was transformed that moment when he first met her, no they both transformed. It was a fiery chemical reaction, they met and they lost their individual identities, and they became one. There is no turning back, you can’t get your ingredients back, you have a new compound that was created out of that process. No, they were not each others’ soul-mates; they were two parts of a single soul, each part looking for the other to make it complete, make it whole. The moment they met, they recognized each other as such. They were merged into one, they became a single soul, complete.

Life never looks kindly upon love. It is so cunning, it has its own schemes to beat love. It doesn’t matter how many times love has fought back, and won; it doesn’t matter how many lovers had walked on that path and reached the other end. Life always throws its tantrums at love, why is there so much rivalry? Life is perhaps the evil twin of love, it would never leave it alone. So it was with them as well. They were too drunk in love to notice the doom that was enveloping them. They just jumped into each other  so fast, they lost their heads, and forgot how far apart they really are. In that mighty madness of love, the oceans that separated them didn’t really look like barriers. No, space was too shallow to separate love. But soon, destiny knocked on their door, and she had to leave him. He couldn’t stop her,

So they met once more after all these years. Life has really worn away with time; they have all their life behind them, the madness of youth long gone. Would he ask her “why did you leave me”, or can she ask him why he didn’t pursue her: “why didn’t you come find me? You know, you could have, but yet you didn’t”.

pursuit of suffering

Posted: November 18, 2013 in abstract, fiction, life, love, poetry

I know you by the way you walk,
and your too familiar talk.
I know your movements, and your shadows
I know you for every moment of your existence.
I know you are here to break my heart one more time
I know I am like the moth that runs into the flame with all its passion, just to get burnt.
I know the first time you did this to me, just like I know every other time
Yet, I couldn’t resist coming for you seeking one more moment with you
one more moment of bliss, one more experience, one more suffering
Is it the suffering that I am addicted to, I wonder.
every time it ends the same way –
I am stripped of all that I am, until I dissolve completely into you,
until I exist no more
then I wake up into all this misery that is not mine in a place that doesn’t belong to me,
doing things that I don’t want to.
why did you beckon me with all your intoxicating charm if it isn’t to leave me in this suffering?
Yes, I know you were going to leave me broken-hearted
the moment I heard your call
Why did I come after you, If I knew I would be left in pain,
All my hankering, and pleading in vain?
I knew; I knew you would do this to me
And I know you would do it to me again,
and I wouldn’t resist it the next time either
I am here to suffer in your pursuit after all

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.
If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.
Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth
That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,
Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.
God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.
The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:
Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.
But when we hear
He is in such a “playful drunken mood”
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.
 Unless you had been ‘held upside down, and shaken violently till all the nonsense in you comes out’, you can’t even begin to comprehend what Hafiz is talking about. It is all madness; a madness that seems like, well, madness :), and perhaps nonsense, and stupidity. You can’t empathize with it unless you had been in that madness at least once, had a glimpse of it, and can vaguely remember, and hardly recognize it when you see it again. Khalil Gibran said “Think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.” Those are wise words, I have to say. And when love does find you worthy, and is directing your course, you are too busy fighting it, ignoring it, and hightailing it out of there. It takes courage to accept the madness, and dive deeply into it. Unless you are brave enough to make a complete fool of yourself, and accept that you are no longer the master of yourself, you can’t embrace it.

Hafiz wonderfully summarizes, in his poem, my wanderings hither and thither. Examining God under a microscope, dissecting her with sharp scalpels, and searching in the vast sky with a huge telescope, it seems, are all futile activities:

A wine bottle fell from a wagon and
broke open in a field.

That night one hundred beetles and all their cousins

and did some serious binge drinking.

They even found some seed husks nearby
and began to play them like drums and whirl.
This made God very happy.

Then the “night candle” rose into the sky
and one drunk creäture, laying down his instrument,
said to his friend  for no apparent

“What should we do about that moon?”

Seems to Hafiz
Most everyone has laid aside the music

Tackling such profoundly useless

~ Hafiz ~

(The Gift — versions of Hafiz by Daniel Ladinsky)

The Lord weeps

Posted: July 23, 2011 in life, love
Tags: ,

O my child,  how long are you going to keep me waiting? won’t you ever get tired of your little games? Here I am patiently waiting, hoping you would come running for me. Do you remember your promise? Didn’t you say you would come back to me in the blink of an eye? How cruel of you to keep me waiting this long? Little one, it is about to get dark, come to me before it is too late. Come seeking my comfort when you still have strength to run on your feet and catch hold of me. You stubborn child, you ignore every messenger I send for you. You weep endlessly at the slightest interruption to your silly pastime, blaming me for all your misery. Heartbroken at your meaningless sorrow, I have to surrender to your tantrums, and pacify you by the only means that you see fit, by restoring your little game. Stupid kid, why do you love these worthless toys so much that you throw away my infinite love, and go chasing them. Is it not  my just right to get offended by your rude negligence? Wake up dear one, stop testing my love for thee. No matter how long you indulge yourself in your childish games, you have to come searching for me. Why are you so selfish, why do you call me only when you need me in the darkest of the hours. Why do you make me disappear when the Sun is shining, and the flowers are blooming. You forget to spare a tiny thought for me in the pleasant weather. You call me as soon as it gets a little cold, to tide you over the cold winter. You tiny little tot, I am here carrying you on my shoulder, bearing all your burdens, giving everything you need, patiently waiting for you to return my love. Why are you so heartless, how much longer are you going to keep me waiting.

blessings of life

Posted: July 2, 2011 in life, love, poetry
Tags: , ,

sound of the rain, and the smell of earth
light of the Sun, and the sight of full moon
flow of the wind, and the song of the mountain
stars of the night, and the sky at sunset
warm softness of mother’s bosom, and soft sob of the child
chirping of the bird at a distance, and its flying feathers
comfort of a soft pillow, and the healing touch of tears
first blossoms of the spring, and the fragrance of freshly cut flowers
bright color of fresh leaves, and the sprouting seeds
waves of the ocean, and cool shade under the tree
morning mist on grass, and the falling snow flakes
a warm bath after a hard day’s work, a cool breeze on a hot summer day
a smiling face on your way, and a helping hand on a tough day
patient ear of a friend, and the warm hug of a lover
an encouraging pat on your back, and the clapping sound of success
these are the blessings of life